I'm going to tell you about a crazy exercise an introverted client and I did. I'd love to hear your feedback too! - First, you just need a bit of background...
I met this client- twelve months ago: đ She was anxious đĽşShe felt like she had no friends, people were horrible to her. đĽShe carried such sadness
The woman I met a year ago was pale, walked with her head bent over, and everything was hopeless, I'm not really sure she truly believed I could help her.
We have spent 7 hours together over the last year.
Getting to the crux of the problem is the hardest thing, especially when you are opening up to a stranger, the crux is usually the things we dare not speak out loud.
The kids are causing such problems, the animals are out of control, my parents are overbearing, or even I'm not sure if my relationship is working. A bit harder for an introverted person to get those things out in the open. The crux for her was a lack of friendships, feeling unworthy, the feeling of being rejected by others and what others thought of her.
We sat around a table with a blue, green and black pen, and we wrote down every person she felt like she had a friendship/acquaintance we graded her relationships.
Green - Friends, in good shape.
Blue - Acquaintances, school mum friends, neighbours etc
Black - To Banish.
She laughs now, but at the time she couldn't believe we were going to banish people from her life.
We talked about each member of her 'circle'. Whether the relationship was a mutual one, whether it made her feel good and if the person was responsive to her - replying to messages etc.
Then we put them on the list in their respective places.
There were a fair few people in the blue camp, developing relationships, people she was unsure of and her task was to 'qualify' those people. To analyse how they made her feel and if it was not positive. To Banish!
There was no ceremony of banishment, it was all in her head, she controlled the narrative on this now.
The example she gave a few weeks later, was that she was talking to someone at parents' evening, and someone on her now banished list came by and said hello interrupting the conversation.
Previously, she would have bowed down to this person, allowing them to interrupt and feel important, they would have ignored her messages the next day and she would have felt rubbish about herself.
Holding her new power, she said 'I'm talking to this person, give me a call if you'd like'. The person never did. Proving to my client that she did the right thing.
Since then she feels more comfortable in her home town, she talked about moving a year ago, running away from the 'bullies' and people who used her. I knew then that it was she who needed to change how she saw herself and how she felt.
đĽ She walks, talks and smiles confidently
đ She doesn't waste her energy on people who don't deserve it.
âď¸ She is worthy, she feels worthy.
This exercise is not in a book, it's not from a Tony Robbins masterclass. It was bespoke, made to fit her situation, her personality and values. I made it up on the spot, reacting to what she needed at the time.
So now we start another year with a new focus. Her seeing the change in herself in the last year is propelling her to do more!
Do you want to feel in control?
Have you had coaching that felt like it was from a book?
Does massive change scare you?
You've seen my posts for a while... it's time to get in touch.